The rings around my eyes feel like they may soon become permanent. My head never stops thinking no matter how hard I try to stop it and when it finally does the nightmares keep me awake for the rest of the night. I'm not capable of sleeping alone without the comfort of someone else next to me. I absolutely hate the feeling of being alone and hopeless. I've resorted to self-medicating so that I can keep myself alive in at least one way.

In order to live, you can't be afraid to die, and right now I'm not afraid to die for the first time in my life.

Everything we have ever had was just barriers that kept us from breaking through and figuring out the truth. All we were doing was delaying something that would get to us eventually. We prevented each other from living a normal life because we were too afraid to just let go for awhile.

In the story "Once upon a time..." they made it happen, made them live happily ever after. Give me the key that will make me live forever, happily ever after outside of a fairytale because I'm just dying to feel.

I wish I could say that my reason for lack of updates was because I haven't had time but I can't. I'm falling back into to bad habits which I though I was done with. This always happens no matter how hard I try to stop myself. In the last week I have had a total of 6 hours of sleep and it's killing me. Everything is just falling in this downwards spiral that feels like it is never ending.

I need to find a new habit that won't but me in a hospital bed(or a mental hospital)